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I started out with nothing, I still have most of it.
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My wild oats have turned to prunes and All Bran.
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I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
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Funny, I don't remember being absent minded :o)
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All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
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If all is not lost, where is it?
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It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
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Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
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I wish the buck stopped here. I sure could use a few. :o)
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Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
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It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
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Only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
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If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
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When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
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It's not hard to meet expenses they're everywhere.
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The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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Don't sweat petty things and don't pet sweaty things.
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